Who Do You Talk To?

Who do you talk to?

confidants, a photo by mattry117 on Flickr.

Who do you talk to when you want unvarnished, unpackaged, unedited feedback?  Where do you go when you want to think out loud about a solution to a problem, or your latest secret project?  Do you have a mentor?  Do you have a confidant - other than Fido the dog or Boots the cat?

Choosing not to go it alone
News flash - sometimes, perhaps most of the times, you won't know the absolute best answer.  No matter how smart you are, how experienced, or how well educated, some things are outside the boundaries of black and white, yes or no, good or bad.  You might not have enough information, or you might not have had the opportunity to be in this spot before - so you don't know without a doubt your best course of action.

Some people keep it in and try to figure it out on their own because they think they should.  Sometimes they don't want to talk about it because they think it will make them look bad not to be in complete mastery of their current situation.  And sometimes they don't know who to talk to about their concerns - they think they need an expert and don't know where to find one.

Reciprocal vs. non-reciprocal relationships
When you talk to a friend, you talk about your stuff and they talk about theirs.  Depending upon your temperament and that of your friend or significant other, one of you probably has the floor more than the other. You can't spew on about your issues without taking time to listen to theirs too - the back and forth of the interaction is what creates and reinforces the peer-to-peer relationship.

Sometimes your significant others can't help you with what's bothering you other than to empathize with your feelings about the matter.  They might not have the information or experience that you need to draw upon.  And sometimes your issue is such that it creates tension between you and them. You might be so engrossed in your work or your problem and airing it so often that they don't want to hear it any more.

A coach can be a help to you if you are looking for a sounding board and mentor.  You don't have to reciprocate by listening to the coach's issues.  It's all about you.  A coach isn't emotionally involved in the issues at hand, so they can provide feedback, recommendations - or even just listen - and you don't have to worry about whether your relationship will be damaged if you make a particular choice or decision.

Talking vs. doing
Whether you talk to a friend, a spouse, a parent, or a coach - there can be a chasm between word and deed.  If you are full of good intentions but slow to act upon them, who will check up on you or hold you accountable to follow through on whatever you say you want?  The ultimate purpose of communication is to affect someone's behavior.  Sure, it can be helpful to air grievances or brag for a minute.  But the proof of intention is in the follow-through to action, and the results that come after that.  If you're not going to do anything differently as a result, does it really matter who you talk to?  Maybe Fido or Boots will serve your purpose just fine.

Written by Julie Poland