4 Little Steps to Greater Self-Confidence

Do you worry that a lack of self-confidence is holding you back in life? Perhaps you run a small business and you know you could get new clients by going to networking events … but you feel too shy. Maybe you want to switch careers to something different … but you know that would mean taking on something really challenging, like speaking in front of big groups.

Some people are naturally self-confident, but most of us have at least some fears and doubts at times. (And a lot of people who come across as self-confident are quaking inside!) The good news is that your self-confidence level isn’t set in stone. You can deliberately become more confident and take on new adventures.

Here are four little steps to take. As you read them, decide on one or two that you could do this week.

Step #1: Consider Times When You ARE Confident

Most people lack self-confidence in some areas of their life (perhaps their career) but they’re confident in others. Think of something that you’re always confident about. You might have to spend a few minutes on this, because it may seem something that’s “no big deal” to you.

Here are a few examples:

• Cooking a nice meal for your family / friends
• Setting up a website
• Writing an essay or article
• Taking care of children
• Going to the gym and working out

All of these are things that some people find really easy and others are terrified of doing.

Write down a few things that you’re confident about (you can pick any that apply from the list above, or come up with your own). What do they have in common? There’s a good chance that you’ve been doing them for a while – perhaps you were scared of doing something wrong when you first had kids, for instance, but now parenting is second nature.

Step #2: Remember That the First Few Times are Just Practice

When you were a kid, did you ever play group games where the first round or two were “practice”? That gave you and the others a chance to get used to the rules and the way the game worked, without worrying about being “out”.

Life is just the same! It’s really very rare that you can screw something up so badly that you cause serious damage to your career or life prospects. So next time you have to do something scary, tell yourself it’s a practice round.

Let’s say you’ve started a new business and you want to get the word out in your local area. You decide to write a press release, and it’s the first time you’ve done that. You don’t have any media contacts. You may well not feel very confident at all … but if you tell yourself this is “just practice” for when you’ve got something even bigger to announce to the world, that helps take the pressure off.

Step #3: Build Up Your Successes

The best way to grow your self-confidence is with a string of victories. That means that it’s not a great idea to fling yourself headlong into the biggest challenge you can think of. Sure, it might go fantastically well … but even if it does, you might find the whole process horribly stressful. And if it goes badly, you may feel even less confident.

Public speaking always ranks highly in people’s fears, but it’s a great skill to have. If you want to get good at public speaking, you obviously don’t need to begin by aiming to present in front of an audience of hundreds (even if that’s your eventual goal).

Your first few steps could look like this:

• Attend a Toastmaster meeting and listen to some speeches (without participating)
• Take on a small speaking task at work (e.g. presenting to a small group of colleagues in a meeting)
• Speak in front of a larger group in a voluntary context (e.g. in a local community group)

…and so on.

Each step will feel a little scary… but each time you successfully take a new step, you’ll feel more confident. You’ll know that you can do it.

Step #4: Keep Track of What You Achieve

To keep your motivation up, and to continue to grow your confidence, keep track of your achievements. That might mean listing the different steps you took, and even recording how you felt (e.g. “really nervous beforehand but great once I’d done it”).

Over time, you can see your abilities growing and your comfort zone expanding. If you write down your achievements on a monthly basis, you might find that something which terrified you in January was OK by March and actually enjoyable by June.

When you see this pattern repeating in different areas of your life – little steps gradually leading you to greater self-confidence, and greater achievements – it helps you to face new situations. Over the years, I’ve learned that I always feel timid and anxious when faced with something new, but once I get going, it becomes much easier and I feel far more confident.

 What step could you take today? Choose one idea from the list above, and tell us what you’re going to do in the comments.

Post written by Ali Luke

Who Do You Talk To?

Who do you talk to?

confidants, a photo by mattry117 on Flickr.

Who do you talk to when you want unvarnished, unpackaged, unedited feedback?  Where do you go when you want to think out loud about a solution to a problem, or your latest secret project?  Do you have a mentor?  Do you have a confidant - other than Fido the dog or Boots the cat?

Choosing not to go it alone
News flash - sometimes, perhaps most of the times, you won't know the absolute best answer.  No matter how smart you are, how experienced, or how well educated, some things are outside the boundaries of black and white, yes or no, good or bad.  You might not have enough information, or you might not have had the opportunity to be in this spot before - so you don't know without a doubt your best course of action.

Some people keep it in and try to figure it out on their own because they think they should.  Sometimes they don't want to talk about it because they think it will make them look bad not to be in complete mastery of their current situation.  And sometimes they don't know who to talk to about their concerns - they think they need an expert and don't know where to find one.

Reciprocal vs. non-reciprocal relationships
When you talk to a friend, you talk about your stuff and they talk about theirs.  Depending upon your temperament and that of your friend or significant other, one of you probably has the floor more than the other. You can't spew on about your issues without taking time to listen to theirs too - the back and forth of the interaction is what creates and reinforces the peer-to-peer relationship.

Sometimes your significant others can't help you with what's bothering you other than to empathize with your feelings about the matter.  They might not have the information or experience that you need to draw upon.  And sometimes your issue is such that it creates tension between you and them. You might be so engrossed in your work or your problem and airing it so often that they don't want to hear it any more.

A coach can be a help to you if you are looking for a sounding board and mentor.  You don't have to reciprocate by listening to the coach's issues.  It's all about you.  A coach isn't emotionally involved in the issues at hand, so they can provide feedback, recommendations - or even just listen - and you don't have to worry about whether your relationship will be damaged if you make a particular choice or decision.

Talking vs. doing
Whether you talk to a friend, a spouse, a parent, or a coach - there can be a chasm between word and deed.  If you are full of good intentions but slow to act upon them, who will check up on you or hold you accountable to follow through on whatever you say you want?  The ultimate purpose of communication is to affect someone's behavior.  Sure, it can be helpful to air grievances or brag for a minute.  But the proof of intention is in the follow-through to action, and the results that come after that.  If you're not going to do anything differently as a result, does it really matter who you talk to?  Maybe Fido or Boots will serve your purpose just fine.

Written by Julie Poland

The 5 Ultimate Ways To Make People Like You

Making people like you is the first step to making long lasting relationships, and long lasting relationships are what bring you happiness and success. For this one reason I personally work on this certain idea religiously, and can quite confidently say that I have finally figured out how to make “any” person almost instantly  like me.

I have condensed all that I have learnt into 5 main points. Hope these strategies help you become a people magnet as well.

1. 1. Be Genuinely Interested in People

You can’t make people truly like you, unless you are interested in them as well. Many people claim to have made systems that you can make people like you, on the base that you can disregard the other person and reap all the rewards. Wrong.

Friendships are all about give and take. You give some and you take some. And only through an even exchange of these interactions can you build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

1. 2. Be Positive and Happy

People are attracted to happiness and positivity, just like bees are attracted to flowers. We humans just can’t get enough of it. So keeping that in mind think about this: People who have lots of friends or attract people easily are they sad or negative? Are they gloomy people? Are they depressed?

No.

People who have attractive personalities are always happy people who radiate positivity. Try to mold yourself to be that happy person people crave and people will be running after you.

1. 3. Radiate Confidence

I don’t want to dwell very deep into this because I feel this has become quite cliché but it’s true. Confidence is very attractive and people like confident people.

If you are able to build self-confidence in yourself, you will automatically hold yourself differently, you will speak differently, and you will behave differently. It’s all part of a process.

1. 4. Give People your Undivided Attention

Nowadays, nobody has spare time to give someone an exclusive conversation. You have to be different. Whenever you meet and talk with people give them your complete attention. Make eye contact, actually think about what the other person saying and give genuine answers.

The other person will pick up on this specialized effort, and in return will begin to like you.

1. 5. Relax and Enjoy

The most likeable people are those who are genuine. Don’t try to be somebody who you are not. Relax and slow down, analyze what you are doing and then do it.

Life is not always a competition, have fun, meet people, and enjoy.

Osman Hameed writes about self-improvement and shares effective tips for living better life on his website www.codeofliving.com. CodeofLiving is a juicy mix of tips, tutorials and articles that are guaranteed to make your life bette

How to Turn Your Ideas into Life Changing Actions

If you’re like me (and most people on the planet), you have plenty of ideas that could potentially change your life dramatically. Perhaps you’re thinking about losing weight, starting your own business or writing a novel; you might even have several great ideas jostling around in your head.

The problem comes, though, in the gap between idea and action. It’s easy to get excited by a great idea or an audacious goal – it’s a lot harder to put in the work that gets you from A to Z.

Here’s how to take those ideas and make them real:

1. Choose ONE Idea
   However many ideas you’ve got, try to pick just one thing to focus on first. That way, you’ll be much more likely to succeed: you won’t burn yourself out by trying to do too much, and you won’t find that some of your ideas are getting sidelined by others.
   
   If you’re not sure where to begin, choose an idea that will fit into your current life (with, perhaps, a few tweaks to your priorities and commitments). Don't quit your job in the hopes that your as-yet-non-existent small business will work out – instead, work on building up your self-discipline with a goal that you can achieve while in your current job, like losing weight or taking an evening class.


2. Create a Solid Plan
   Whatever your big idea is, there’s a good chance that other people have tackled something similar. If you want to run your own restaurant business, talk to restaurant managers, or look for books that could help. If you want to get fit and healthy, talk to your doctor or the staff at the local gym.
   
   Once you’ve gathered some advice about turning your idea into action, write a plan. Give yourself specific things to do. For instance, if your big idea is “write a novel” then your plan might look like this:
   
   • Summarize the key theme of the novel in one or two sentences
   • Write a short description for each main character
   • Plan out crucial events in the plot
   ...and so on.
   
   You might not be able to create a complete plan from A - Z right now, but you can at least map out the steps from A - B and B - C. Try to set deadlines for your first few actions, to help you get moving.


3. Get Support From Others
   Tell friends and/or family about your big idea. You might need to select the people you confide in carefully – who’s most likely to be encouraging and supportive?
   
   By letting other people know about your plans, you give yourself another reason to stay on the path towards your goal: if you back out now, you’ll have to tell everyone that you’ve quit. Plus, the people around you may be able to support you in practical ways – for instance, a colleague at work may have a useful diet book that they can lend you, or a family friend might share some great tips on running a small business.


4. Stay Focused
   Finally, you need to stay focused. So many people begin on the path to a fantastic goal only to give up before they’ve made any real progress.
   
   You might find that the first couple of weeks are easy: you’re feeling highly motivated, and you’re excited about your idea. After a few more weeks, though, you might find it tougher going. If you’re going to achieve your goal, you need to stay focused.
   
   That means getting into good habits, perhaps making time at the start of each day to work on this one key goal, or setting aside time at the weekends. It may also mean looking at the other commitments in your life – is there anything you could cut out, or cut down?
   
   The path to your goal won’t necessarily be easy – but it will be rewarding. By staying on that path, right to the end, you’ll achieve something you can be truly proud of ... and something that may just change your life.

What ideas do you have right now? How are you going to put them into action? Share your thoughts in the comments...

 Written on 2/21/2012 by Ali LukeAli Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. Photo Credit:simmone riccardi