The Three Rules to Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections, boob jobs, bum lifts and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

Written by http://midlifeop.blogspot.co.uk

18 Truths to Start Telling Yourself

This is your journey, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.

Here are 18 truths to inspire, motivate and remind you that you aren’t confined by the boundaries others impose on you.  You are in full control of your own life, starting today.

1. I can only be me. – Stop trying to be someone else’s idea of perfect.  Be your imperfectly perfect self.  Be YOU.  When they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.  Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.
2. This is my life, and my dreams are worth it. – Life is a courageous journey or nothing at all.  We cannot become who we want to be by continuing to do exactly what we’ve been doing.  If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.  Be deaf when people tell you that you can’t fulfill your dreams.  The only place where your goals and dreams are impossible is inside your head.  Once you’ve dreamed of it, you’re halfway there.  So go ahead and follow through.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions louder than your words.  Follow your heart regardless of what others tell you to do.  At the end of the day it’s you who has to live with your decisions, not them.  Read The road Less Traveled
3. Everything, good or bad, is a life lesson. – Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc. – they’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’  Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it. Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.  Love yourself, trust your choices, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
4. A few REAL friends are all I need. – When it comes to relationships, focus on quality over quantity.  Spend your time with friends who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways.  They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.  Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. These people make your day a little bit brighter simply by being in it.  It is better to have one true friend than all the acquaintances in the world.
5. My actions and words directly affect the lives around me. – Lead by example.  Practice what you preach or don’t preach at all.  Walk the talk!  People watch what you do more than they listen to what you say.  Inspire, challenge and encourage people to their best, by doing YOUR best.  And when someone else is doing a great job, tell them that you’re proud of them.  Encourage them.  Take the time to recognize their effort.  If they know you believe they can do great things, they will often go to great lengths to live up to your expectations.  Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.  Optimism is a happiness magnet.  If you stay positive and confident, good things and good people will be drawn to you.
6. Broken promises destroy relationships. – You make commitments to others and yourself all the time.  The question is: Do you keep them?  If you said you’re going to do something, do it!  When you fail to keep a promise, it tells others that you don’t value their time or relationship.  Don’t over-promise; under-promise and over-deliver on everything you do.  And a few words to the wise:  Never make a big decision when you’re angry, and never make a big promise when you’re overjoyed.
7. The little things are often the big things. – Keep it simple.  There is absolute joy and wonder to be had in the simplest of moments – like watching the sunset over the horizon or spending time with a family member.  Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.
8. People regret the things they did NOT do. – You miss 100% of the shots you never take.  Choices, chances and changes – start making them.  You must make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.  In the end, more so than the mistakes we made, we regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
9. Small people can make a BIG difference. – Stay positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others frown.  It’s an easy way to make a difference.  There are many small, simple actions you can make to profoundly impact your family, your community, and the world.  You could pick up and throw away some trash you see on the street.  Send thoughts of loving kindness, support and peace to a friend.  Find something in your house you no longer need and give to someone who could use it.  Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.  Leave everything a little better than you found it.  You’ll see why.
10. Adversity makes us strong and wise. – Pain makes you stronger.  Tears make you braver.  Heartbreak makes you wiser.  Be grateful for your past because it helped shape who you are.  And thank the past for a better future.  Live for today, learn from yesterday, and hope for tomorrow.  Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.
11. Everyone deserves kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
12. Everyone has something amazing to offer. – Accept people just the way they are.  In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try.  If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.  Open your mind, arms and heart to all people; we are united in our differences, and stronger together because of them.
13. There’s no point in doing something if I’m not going to do it right. – I’m impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc.  And there’s only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do.  There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.  Read The Four Agreements.
14. Dishonesty should never be tolerated. – Nobody likes a liar.  In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.  Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless.  Period.  Don’t be dishonest and don’t put up with people who are.
15. Personal growth will feel uncomfortable at first. – Growth always begins at the end of your comfort zone.  So break out of your comfort zone and try something new.  Fight the unfamiliar and enjoy the experience.  Try out that new restaurant.  Stop by the new park.  Routines stagnate us.  New experiences help us grow and they make life interesting.  Make an effort to try something new every day this week.  It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.  Once you get the ball rolling, many of these new experiences will open doors to life changing opportunities.  And with a strategy of continuous small steps into new experiences, we are able to sidestep the biggest barrier to positive change:  Fear.
16. Happiness is a choice that comes from within. – Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.  There are choices you can make every day to feel the effects of happiness.  Choose to be around the right people.  Choose to focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.  Choose a good attitude.  Choose to express gratitude.  Choose to forgive.  Choose to take care of your body.  Begin today by taking responsibility for your own happiness.  The choice is yours.  Read Stumbling On Happiness.
17. The more I invest in myself, the more control I will have over my life. – Invest time and energy in yourself every day.  When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.  You are simply the product of what you know.  The more time and energy you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life.
18. Knowledge without action accomplishes nothing. – The number one thing I persistently see holding smart people back is their own reluctance to take action with the knowledge they already have.  In other words, they believe they require additional knowledge, skill, experience, etc. before they can aptly partake in an opportunity.  Yes, more knowledge is great to have, but without action it doesn’t get you anywhere.  You’ve got to take baby steps.  You’ve got to act on what you know.  Remember, the acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing; growing happens when what you know changes how you live.

Post written by Angel

The 5 Ultimate Ways To Make People Like You

Making people like you is the first step to making long lasting relationships, and long lasting relationships are what bring you happiness and success. For this one reason I personally work on this certain idea religiously, and can quite confidently say that I have finally figured out how to make “any” person almost instantly  like me.

I have condensed all that I have learnt into 5 main points. Hope these strategies help you become a people magnet as well.

1. 1. Be Genuinely Interested in People

You can’t make people truly like you, unless you are interested in them as well. Many people claim to have made systems that you can make people like you, on the base that you can disregard the other person and reap all the rewards. Wrong.

Friendships are all about give and take. You give some and you take some. And only through an even exchange of these interactions can you build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.

1. 2. Be Positive and Happy

People are attracted to happiness and positivity, just like bees are attracted to flowers. We humans just can’t get enough of it. So keeping that in mind think about this: People who have lots of friends or attract people easily are they sad or negative? Are they gloomy people? Are they depressed?

No.

People who have attractive personalities are always happy people who radiate positivity. Try to mold yourself to be that happy person people crave and people will be running after you.

1. 3. Radiate Confidence

I don’t want to dwell very deep into this because I feel this has become quite cliché but it’s true. Confidence is very attractive and people like confident people.

If you are able to build self-confidence in yourself, you will automatically hold yourself differently, you will speak differently, and you will behave differently. It’s all part of a process.

1. 4. Give People your Undivided Attention

Nowadays, nobody has spare time to give someone an exclusive conversation. You have to be different. Whenever you meet and talk with people give them your complete attention. Make eye contact, actually think about what the other person saying and give genuine answers.

The other person will pick up on this specialized effort, and in return will begin to like you.

1. 5. Relax and Enjoy

The most likeable people are those who are genuine. Don’t try to be somebody who you are not. Relax and slow down, analyze what you are doing and then do it.

Life is not always a competition, have fun, meet people, and enjoy.

Osman Hameed writes about self-improvement and shares effective tips for living better life on his website www.codeofliving.com. CodeofLiving is a juicy mix of tips, tutorials and articles that are guaranteed to make your life bette