The Three Rules to Midlife Happiness

Rule 1: Be happy in your own Time

Some people find it hard to accept that they are growing older, they seek perpetual youth.

Some have facelifts, botox injections, boob jobs, bum lifts and other cosmetic surgery to try to keep the ravages of time at bay. This may look very attractive for a time but often ends with the person looking a parody of his or her previous self. ‘Trout pout’ anyone?

Some wear clothes that would look much better on their children (rule 1a – If you are old enough to have worn it when it was in fashion last time around, don’t wear it this time!).

Some people in midlife decide to start again with a younger partner – ‘Cougar’ women take a toyboy, midlife men might opt for a 20 something female with long legs. Whilst this might seem attractive in the short term, once the initial excitement has died down, the couple find themselves living together with little in common. They watched different TV programmes when they were children, they grew up listening to different music and they wore different styles of clothes – they come from different ‘times’ and unless they are very fortunate, they are very unlikely to feel comfortable with each other in the long term.

Rule 2: Be happy in your own Skin

We are all born with the hand of cards that we are given. Some will grow up as beautiful people, others won’t. Some will become thought leaders in their spheres, most won’t.

‘Show me the boy and I will show you the man’, a popular saying that rings very true. Most of us don’t change greatly as we get older, we play the hand that we were dealt.

Many people, though, are not happy with the cards that they were dealt and call ‘foul’. Most women (and quite a few men) are not happy with some aspects of their looks. Some go to great lengths to change their appearance. This goes far beyond trying to keep their youth (see Rule 1) and is an attempt to change their looks, to give themselves characteristics that they wished they’d been born with.

Whilst some attempts at remodelling your looks can be beneficial, particularly for self-esteem and confidence, it is important to draw the line.

A midlife crisis is often triggered by a person not being able to come to terms with living in their own skin.

Rule 3: Be happy in your own Life

Many people feel that they need to ‘fit in’, that they need to conform to a norm with which they aren’t really comfortable. Teenagers, in particular, feel that they must be part of a crowd and fall victim to peer pressure. Their friends all have tattoos, so they feel that they should have tattoos, even if they don’t like them (and will regret having them in later life, particularly if they include someone’s name!)

Midlifers are less inclined to worry about peer pressure but the ‘green-eyed monster’ of jealousy is a very real part of the life of many people in midlife. We all lead different lives and however happy we are, however well off we are, there will always be people who seem to be doing better than us. Some of them will indeed be doing better than us, either because they were dealt a better hand at birth (see Rule 2) or because they work harder than we do (often both).

The grass always seems greener in somebody else’s life. However, when the green-eyed monster rears its head, take a few moments to consider the other aspects of the person’s life – these may not be quite so rosy. Your rich friend may be doing very nicely in the big house, driving the expensive car but behind closed doors their relationship may be falling apart. Their kids might be taking drugs and mixing with the wrong ‘friends’.

Don’t try to ‘keep up with the Jones’ out of jealousy, to make yourself look better or more acceptable to your friends. You may find yourself deeply in debt if you overstretch yourself unnecessarily.

To be happy in your life, accept what you have – but don’t let that stop you from striving to achieve greatness. There is a difference between making the most of your life and trying to live your life imitating someone else.

Written by http://midlifeop.blogspot.co.uk

6 Ways to Make People Like You

Dale Carnegie was perhaps most famous for the courses he developed in salesmanship though he also offered courses in self-improvement, interpersonal skills and public speaking. I remember one of my colleagues taking a Dale Carnegie sales course and I think they are probably still running today.

Years ago, I saw a copy of Dale Carnegie's best-selling book How to Win Friends and Influence People being offered at a bargain price in the local bookstore. Given the significance of  this book to my chosen field (personal development), I thought I could not pass on the offer.

In the book, he talks about how he came to discover the essential secret that pervades his work and I'll tell you what it is in a moment. However, the situation was that he was attending an important meeting as a salesman and, overwhelmed at the prospect of addressing the large group, found himself unable to speak.

He wrote a short message on a piece of paper. It said, "gentlemen, I have lost my voice, I am speechless." The president of the organisation stood up and announced that he would do the talking on his behalf. Carnegie says that he then presented his products and praised their good points. All he (Carnegie) did was sit there, smile, nod and make a few encouraging gestures.

Amazingly, he got the business. But the experience made him understand the importance of letting the other person do the talking. And - yes - that's the secret, and, taken from his famous book, here are six ways you can apply it:

6 Ways to Make People Like You

1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
2: Smile.
3: Remember and use the other person's name.
4: Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6: Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

As you can see, the thing that underpins all of these points is to move the focus away from yourself and onto the other person. Of course, you don't remain silent, but when you do talk, you talk in terms of the other person and their interests. You will be amazed at how this simple shift of focus can produce the most remarkable results in terms of making friends. You don't have talk about the other person's interests in every conversation of course.

Remember the title of his book was How to Win Friends and Influence People. So remember these powerful little tips for when you want to do that.

Article written by Will Edwards

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6749435

I Like Crescendos - Thoughts on Managing Based on Vibe

I was walking a 10K yesterday and relied on my iPod to keep my going at a good pace. I have several play lists set up for exercising with peppier songs. I noticed, however, that when I was hurting or needing more uumph (it was hot and humid) that I skipped the perfectly fine peppy songs in favor of songs with big drama and fuller sound.

I like crescendos. In fact, I like crescendos in all aspects of life and work.

I would be happy doing most any type of work as long as it offered the opportunity to create some boom, some wow, some big moments.

This is the vibe I prefer in all aspects of my life and those managing me can get my best work by ensuring I have the chance to experience crescendos.

We all have a preferred vibe and it is a unique thing. Management books suggest that managers ought to get to know each employee's goals and talents. And this is important to know. But I also think we should learn the vibe that fuels their engagement.

Start by thinking about the vibe that you prefer. Then share this with your team and ask them to share theirs. Examples will help clarify what you are asking.

Think about why people leave their jobs (bad manager, I know, but there is always more to it). Often it just does not fuel them. They leave a perfectly great job for an unknown but great sounding job that they hope will feel different to them. What if you could help their current job feel better?

Post written by http://www.managementcraft.com

What New Challenge Are You going to Take This Year?

If you want to grow, you need to expand your personal capacity. I already wrote about itbefore, but I think it’s necessary to touch on this topic again. It’s an important topic that deserves constant reminder.

Expanding your personal capacity is essential for your personal growth. It will take you the next level in life. It will make you a better person. For that, what you need to do is taking a new challenge. You should move out of your comfort zone and do something that stretches your skills and abilities. It’s inconvenient, but that’s the way to grow.

So here is my question to you: 
What new challenge are you going to take this year?

We still have eleven months in 2012 which is enough to work on a new challenge. Don’t waste them by just doing what you always do. Do something that will take you to the next level in life.

To help you choose a new challenge to take, here are a few ideas:

• Take an online course
  Is there a subject you are fascinated about and want to study if you had time? Well, this year might be the time for you. There are a lot of courses available on iTunes U that you can choose from, not to mention other sources like YouTube. There is even a new breed of interactive courses that will give you assignments and give you feedback (here are some examples). With so many options available, I’m sure you can find something on the subject you are interested in.
• Start a side business
  Perhaps you already have an idea for a side business. It could come from your hobby or from a specific need that you come across. Why don’t you make it a reality this year?  Having a side business is a good way to expand your capacity because it will teach you a lot in the process. Plus, it could give you an extra cushion in this uncertain economic times.
• Start a blog
  Today everyone can express his or her thoughts through a blog. You are no longer limited to just being a consumer of information. If you have a subject you are passionate about, it’s a good idea to start a blog on it. You will learn a lot more by writing about it, plus you will meet interesting people along the way.

One word of caution: don’t expect instant success if you decided to build something. It takes time to build something, so don’t get discouraged if your blog didn’t attract many readers or your business didn’t give you enough revenue in the beginning. Remember, your goal here is to expand your personal capacity.

Those are just a few ideas from me. I’m sure you have a lot more ideas on how to expand one’s capacity. I’d like to hear from you, so feel free to share them in the comments.

Post written bywww.lifeoptimizer.org